White House Asks Cuba To Submit Capitalism Permit Before Reforming
Treasury staff highlighted the word “market” in red, then forwarded it to whichever court currently regulates irony.
White House Rule Asks Underserved Contractors To Try Being More Served
Procurement officials reportedly unveiled a new form where small firms can check a box labeled “Have You Considered Becoming Raytheon?”
Beijing Detains Think Tank Director, Cites Suspiciously Complete Footnotes
The alleged evidence reportedly included a tote bag, three acronyms, and the dangerous ability to summarize a panel discussion.
China Arrest Prompts U.S. Colleges To Register All Footnotes
The new compliance form asks whether a bibliography has ever made eye contact with a border guard.
Trump Orders Wildfire Scientists To Replace Forecasts With Optimistic Rakes
The new White House guidance classifies smoke models as “defeatist paperwork” unless they include a golf-course recovery plan.
White House Prepares Octagon Seating Chart With Constitutional Emergency Exits
The East Wing reportedly asked whether “no biting” applies to committee subpoenas, Cabinet meetings, or both.
White House Files Gas Prices Under ‘Things Pumps Will Decide’
Officials reportedly prepared a 19-page plan to look sternly at unleaded.
Supreme Court Orders Clerks To Check Death Penalty Briefs For Rabbits
A new bench memo warns that due process may not survive another expert witness with a cape budget.
Canada Adds Supreme Court Shelf To CUSMA Negotiating Binder
Ottawa said the new compartment will hold legal uncertainty, spare tabs, and one ceremonial apology to Wisconsin.
White House Creates Meeting Permit After Mamdani Eyes Colombia Sit-Down
The new form reportedly requires applicants to disclose any intent to exchange handshakes, coffee, or unsupervised nouns.